Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Table Card (GUARD)

Have you ever been inside a fast-food restaurant during rush hour? One of your top priorities would probably be finding a table - and this is true whether you are on your own or if you have company. Once you've finally found a table, everyone will now want to approach the counter to look at the menu before they order; therefore, you are left with no choice except to leave some things on the table to mark your place. 

Alas! Some people just don't get it, and after you've placed your order and returned to your table, you discover that someone has set your things aside and is now seated on that table that you worked so hard to reserve for yourselves.

Ever get annoyed at these people who rudely take your table and then pretend that they never noticed your stuff? Then the all new, state-of-the-art, Table Card (GUARD) is the all-in-one solution for you. The Table Guard is a fairly conspicuous unbreakable, high-quality cellophane card that automatically reserves your table for you in a non-confrontational manner. Based on traditional ID card technology, this nifty little gadget prevents table snatchers from surreptitiously taking your table while you're on the counter placing your order. The colorful printout on the front of the card warns any would-be table-snatchers that this table has already been reserved and that they should find another one.

Here's how it works: Whenever you need to reserve a table for yourself, just take out your Table Card and leave it face up at the center of the table. That's it. It's just that simple! The Table Card does all the work for you and guards your hard-earned restaurant table like a debt-ridden butler guards his loli, otaku, hikkikomori, sometimes tsundere mistress. 
The front design
This version of the Table Card uses an image of the lovely Nagi Sanzen'in from Hayate no Gotoku! at the front of the card. The image was drawn personally by the manga's author, Hata Kenjirou and was then photoshopped and copy-pasted into the card by the inventor of this marvelous item. Naturally, this use of Nagi's image is completely unlicensed.

But wait! You're probably thinking, well, they can just flip the card over and pretend that they never saw the message... well, they're in for a big surprise! 
The "Anti-Flip" feature at the back of the card
Ta-dah! The futuristic design of the Table Card allows it to readily address this kind of situation. The back of the card uses original fanart featuring the same character by the inventor of the Table Card himself! Of course, someone could just take the card away completely and steal your table anyway, right? 
If they still insist on taking your place, whack em silly in style with these!
That is true... but that's why the Table Card is always a set and comes with these custom-made wooden nunchaku that you can use to beat persistent table snatchers into submission!
This premium item won't stay at this bargain price forever

So how much do I charge for this amazingly useful personal table reservation tool? Normally, I would have to charge $250 a piece just to cover the time, research and effort that went into the creation of the table card. However, because I want people to be able to make use of this amazing tool just so they can see how effective it is, for a limited time only, the table card will be on sale for the incredibly low price of $79.95

Do take note however that I will be selling these cards at a loss during this stage and therefore, the price could go up at any moment - even while you are still reading this article. To order the Table Card with wooden nunchaku combo, click the buy now button at the bottom of this page.
Special feelings in snow shirt.
But wait, if you order now, I'll also throw in this limited edition T-shirt featuring Nagi Sanzen'in and Super Idol Ruka Suirenji in their version of the "Special Feelings In Snow" meme that's currently trending in JAPAN!
Limited Edition Nagi Portrait Keychain

Furthermore, the first 100 buyers will also receive this cute, limited edition keychain of Nagi Sanzen'in and are entitled to a whopping 50% discount at $40 for the entire package.

In summary, if you order now, you'll get:

The Table Card featuring:
  • State of the art "anti-flip" design
  • Colorful, high-contrast artwork makes the card clearly visible
  • Made out of unbreakable high-quality cellophane plastic
  • A strap to turn the Table Card into a necklace
  • Custom red and black wooden nunchaku for persistent table snatchers
  • Intuitive, user-friendly mechanics
  • Lightweight, compact, but totally conspicuous
  • Perfect as a gift for all ocassions
In addition, you'll receive the following:
  • Ruka x Nagi special feelings in snow meme shirt
  • Nagi Sanzen'in limited edition keychain 
All for only $40

Do NOT miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Click the buy now button below and have your own Table Card sent directly to your address today. Say goodbye to rude table snatchers forever!
"The Table Card" is not an actual premium item nor is it really for sale. What it is, is a plastic ID card protector that I customized with some cards that I printed out on photopaper and cut to the ID protector's dimensions. If you haven't already realized it, this is a parody infomercial. All the so-called "products" featured here are my own custom-made stuff, unlicensed for commercial distribution and made exclusively for personal use.

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