Jaded Perspectives

Disclaimer : This is a work of satire. If you feel offended by anything included in this piece, then you are most likely one of the people being satirized, or you need to look up the definition of the word “satire.” Please understand that if you are offended, then this is intentionally meant to hurt you. Imagine being you. Stay salty. Greetings stranger! As you already know, the truth is always in your heart. Go with what you feel and you will never go wrong. So stay a while and listen as I affirm to you what you already know to be true. Always remember to BELIEVE ALL WOMEN, because a woman always tells the truth about being victimized – and it’s definitely not because they’re the weaker sex because WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING THAT MEN CAN DO… only better.  So if a woman tells you that she has been raped, you should understand that this is always 100% true. This is because ALL MEN ARE TRASH and don’t you even think about attempting to refute this with the tired old phrase that NOT ALL MEN, b

The funny thing is that I actually wrote this story just two days ago on Facebook before the Philippine government launched its latest brainstorm to quell the upsurge of COVID-19 cases. (I've included a Tagalog version coz it's funnier that way.) Government Task Force: A Story Employee A: Bro, they gave us a budget to form a new task force against the rising cases of COVID-19. Employee B: Awesome, bro. What do we do? Employee A: Think of a name. It's gotta be a really lit acronym. Employee B: Wait a minute... ARCS, bro. How about ARCS Team R6? Autonomous Response Covid Solutions Team Region 6. Employee A: Awesome bro! That's it! I knew you were good at naming names. We totally sound like some Navy Seals shit. Employee B: So, what now, bro? Employee A: Now that we have a name, we drink! Just go and buy some masks really cheap from your friend who owns a drug store later. We'll hire some people to hand em out on a contractual basis. THE END Tagalog Version Employee A:

When we think of class discrimination, it’s often the case that what comes to mind is the class struggle between the privileged and the working class. This is even truer in modern times wherein Marxist ideology is enjoying pandemic-levels of resurgence among younger individuals as their new religion. The new logic is: as long as you belong to an oppressed, victim class, you’re always correct. However, if you were born into privilege, you must die for the sins of your ancestors known as “accumulation of wealth” according to Patron Saint Karl Marx. Seriously, this is some “Good Eldian” levels of bullshitery – to use a relevant modern allusion. Still, as a privileged kid, I would say that my experience seem markedly different from what the culturally dominant self-proclaimed socialists living in non-socialist states want you to believe. But… I’m not here to change your mind. Think of these as “food for thought.” Read, and think about it. Do these scenarios sound familiar to you? Anecd