VALIDATION - A Satirical Prose

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. If you feel offended by anything included in this piece, then you are most likely one of the people being satirized, or you need to look up the definition of the word “satire.” Please understand that if you are offended, then this is intentionally meant to hurt you. Imagine being you. Stay salty.

Greetings stranger! As you already know, the truth is always in your heart. Go with what you feel and you will never go wrong.

So stay a while and listen as I affirm to you what you already know to be true.

Always remember to BELIEVE ALL WOMEN, because a woman always tells the truth about being victimized – and it’s definitely not because they’re the weaker sex because WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING THAT MEN CAN DO… only better. 

So if a woman tells you that she has been raped, you should understand that this is always 100% true. This is because ALL MEN ARE TRASH and don’t you even think about attempting to refute this with the tired old phrase that NOT ALL MEN, because this is objectively wrong on so many levels because: HELLO? IT’S 2021 – or whatever year it is that you are currently reading this. That’s it. That’s the argument and it is absolutely irrefutable.

And please, never ever try to tell a woman about situational awareness and self-defense because this is so obviously and blatantly VICTIM-BLAMING and it doesn’t address the root of the problem that we should TEACH MEN NOT TO RAPE just as we should teach robbers not to rob and killers not to kill. The reality is that men do not understand that these things are wrong because as I’ve said before ALL MEN ARE TRASH and if you are a man and you are not, then you shouldn’t counter with NOT ALL MEN, because this is not about you, this is about the victimized women. This isn’t a false dichotomy. The simple truth is that If you are not the victim, then you have no right to enter the discussion in the first place, you MANSPLAINER, you!

Furthermore, remember to always be careful because WORDS ARE VIOLENCE. Even if you believe that you have a logical reason to disagree with people who require a laundry list of demands on how you should deal with their kind, you shouldn’t share such a disruptive opinion because you are simply oozing with WHITE PRIVILEGE – no matter what your ethnicity might be. So keep in mind that you should just blindly acquiesce to these laundry list of demands because this is how to BE KIND, because kindness can only be recognized as such when it conforms to the collective demands of the people on whom you choose to bestow said kindness.

WORDS ARE VIOLENCE and this is why people are ALWAYS responsible for what you feel and how YOU understand what they say. Anyone who hurts you with their words OWES YOU AN APOLOGY because again, YOU ARE SPECIAL!

Thus, BE KIND and always, always use GENDER-NEUTRAL terms because people who require the use of these terms are always obviously OPPRESSED, if not by deeds, then by words and even thoughts – because what you think about a person can cause you to have an internal prejudice that may cause you to utterly misgender this person, which is an unjustifiable HATE CRIME in a world where WORDS ARE VIOLENCE. Remember, the singular “they” has been in use since the 1700s – as modern self-proclaimed, self-appointed linguists will always vehemently insist. This is true even if the usage of singular “they” for an unknown individual was vastly different from the specific gender-neutral, known individual usage that it enjoys TOTHEY. 

GENDER IS FLUID after all. From the moment you were born, it doesn’t matter what type of genitalia you were endowed with. These are merely aesthetic. You are who you are and your gender is something that you should only feel when you gain consciousness. YOU ARE SPECIAL and you can be anything that you want to be and no one in the world has the right to stop you – especially not your parents. You don’t owe them anything. After all, did they provide you with the quality of life that you deserve in this world? No? Then it’s their fault for not ABORTING you because that is what you would have preferred. You are always absolutely 100% justified in getting DEPRESSED no matter what your triggers might be. Did your favorite relative die? Be DEPRESSED. Did your pet die? Be DEPRESSED. Did you not get the latest iPhone long before your birthday? BE VERY DEPRESSED. Did an ant bite you? Be VERY DEPRESSED AND EXTREMELY TRAUMATIZED! No one has the right to invalidate what you feel because WHAT YOU FEEL IS ALWAYS REAL and no one, absolutely no one has the right to try to make you feel better about it. This is PATRONIZING because they ARE NOT YOU and therefore, not even several millennia of empirical knowledge can ever refute WHAT YOU FEEL because YOU ARE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE. You go and continue your self-loathing ways, with your roleplaying self-loathing friends, you!

Of course, every rule has an exception. If you were born as a trans, then you are definitely 100% a trans and the rest of the world is TRANSPHOBIC and out to get you every single time they disagree with anything you say.

After all, when bad things happen to you, it’s your parents’ fault for bringing you into this world where bad things can happen to you. ABORTION IS ALWAYS JUSTIFIED because ALL MEN ARE TRASH. When you allow the sperm of a man, who is always trash, to fertilize the egg of a woman, who is always correct, then you are not creating a life. What you are creating is a bundle of cells – a parasite living in the womb of an otherwise good woman – only good for aborting as a fetus and boast-posting on Instagram. Life does not begin until the being gains consciousness. This is why if you are asleep or in a coma, YOU ARE LIFELESS and anyone who is taking care of you has the right to rip you limb from limb and flush you down the toilet like the lifeless trash that you are – that is of course, unless you happen to open your eyes or otherwise demonstrate consciousness, then that’s murder.

Of course, as you already know, your whole quandary started when you were born and you didn’t win the BIRTH LOTTERY even though YOU ARE SPECIAL. You were traumatized at birth. Only a very small percentage of the population won the BIRTH LOTTERY and became BILLIONAIRES. Obviously, having won the BIRTH LOTTERY, these people are evil and deserve nothing but death for the very fact of their existence. This is because we, THE PROLETARIAT should UNIONIZE NOW and TAKE BACK THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION so that united, we can EAT THE RICH literally, including all their innards and right down to the bone. This is the one simple truth as prophesied by our great prophet, redeemer, savior and patron saint KARL MARX who perfectly predicted the world’s path from communes to late-stage capitalism to democratic socialism to the HOLY COMMUNISM in a process known as DIALECTICS as outlined in the sacred book called, THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO – except for those times when he didn’t… but we don’t talk about that.

Just remember, comrade. It’s wrong to rape, kill, steal and generally commit crimes against others unless it’s against a billionaire because this makes you a good MARXIST and everything you do against a marked billionaire is always 100% justified simply by the fact of their birth. The rationale is that billionaires won the BIRTH LOTTERY and are therefore guilty of ACCUMULATION OF WEALTH from the moment of conception. The only real redemption for them is a violent, excruciating death at the hands of LABOR.  It’s totally NOT A CULT, by the way.

Finally, remember that your envy is always justified. This is what SOCIAL JUSTICE is all about. SOCIAL JUSTICE is 'neither communism, nor despotism, nor atomism, nor anarchy,' but the humanization of laws and the equalization of social and economic forces by the State so that those who have less in life may get revenge by ruining others’ lives.

Do you disagree in the face of all this overwhelmingly irrefutable logic? Then with all due respect, this is quite UNKIND of you – you HOMOPHOBIC, TRANSPHOBIC, BIGOTED, RACIST, WHITE SUPREMACIST, FASCIST, CAPITALIST PIG, you. I hope you get CANCELED.

NCR Plus Bubble? Have A Short Scenario/Story

The funny thing is that I actually wrote this story just two days ago on Facebook before the Philippine government launched its latest brainstorm to quell the upsurge of COVID-19 cases. (I've included a Tagalog version coz it's funnier that way.)

Government Task Force: A Story

Employee A: Bro, they gave us a budget to form a new task force against the rising cases of COVID-19.

Employee B: Awesome, bro. What do we do?

Employee A: Think of a name. It's gotta be a really lit acronym.

Employee B: Wait a minute... ARCS, bro. How about ARCS Team R6? Autonomous Response Covid Solutions Team Region 6.

Employee A: Awesome bro! That's it! I knew you were good at naming names. We totally sound like some Navy Seals shit.

Employee B: So, what now, bro?

Employee A: Now that we have a name, we drink! Just go and buy some masks really cheap from your friend who owns a drug store later. We'll hire some people to hand em out on a contractual basis.

THE END

Tagalog Version

Employee A: Pre, may budget tayo. Buo daw tayo ng panibagong task force.

Employee B: Galing, pre! Anong gagawin natin?

Employee A: Mag-isip ka ng pangalan natin. Dapat yung astig!

Employee B: Sige... teka lang... ARCs, pre. ARCS Team R6. Autonomous Response Covid Solutions Team Region 6.

Employee A: Ang astig niyan, pre! Sabi ko na ang galing mo talagang mag isip ng pangalan. Para tayong mga Navy Seals yan!

Employee B: Eh ano na ngayon gagawin natin, pre?

Employee A: Wala na. May pangalan na tayo eh. Tara inuman na! Bili ka lang ng mga mumurahing face masks sa kaibigan mong may ari ng botika mamaya. Tapos, kuha lang tayo ng mga job hire upang ipamigay yan sa mga tao.

THE END

Anecdotes Of Discrimination

When we think of class discrimination, it’s often the case that what comes to mind is the class struggle between the privileged and the working class. This is even truer in modern times wherein Marxist ideology is enjoying pandemic-levels of resurgence among younger individuals as their new religion. The new logic is: as long as you belong to an oppressed, victim class, you’re always correct. However, if you were born into privilege, you must die for the sins of your ancestors known as “accumulation of wealth” according to Patron Saint Karl Marx. Seriously, this is some “Good Eldian” levels of bullshitery – to use a relevant modern allusion.

Still, as a privileged kid, I would say that my experience seem markedly different from what the culturally dominant self-proclaimed socialists living in non-socialist states want you to believe. But… I’m not here to change your mind. Think of these as “food for thought.” Read, and think about it. Do these scenarios sound familiar to you?

Anecdote #1: It’s Your Fault For Asking! Why Can’t You Just Be A Good Customer And Make My Work Easier?

Here’s an incident I remember quite vividly from sometime back in 2016 more or less. I was at the third floor of a mall called “The Atrium” in Iloilo City visiting one of my favorite electronic kiosks that sold toys, handheld game systems and other related devices. I’d just finished buying some parts for my 2DS when I overheard a conversation between a prospective customer and the one of the two employees in charge of the kiosk.

The customer was a man who looked to be in his early thirties. He was asking about the features of a pair of headphones that the kiosk was selling. From what I can remember he asked if it could play music via SD Card, if it had internal batteries, and if it could be used as normal headphones.

The employee, a younger woman possibly in her twenties, responded with: Sir, just read the package. It’s all there. (in Hiligaynon, of course)

The customer decided to walk away without buying anything after this.

As soon as he was out of sight, I heard the female employee utter the following to her co-worker: What an annoying customer! Asking so many questions without even buying anything!

Anecdote #2: Why Must You Tempt Me With Money That’s Not Mine?

Now let’s move on to something a bit more personal.

Now we’ve always been more middle class than actually rich, but a little over a decade ago, my mother had a small money-lending business going. There was one particular meat stall in Iloilo Central Market that owed her money. Thus, my mother would often visit that place to collect the debt and its corresponding LEGAL interest, and sometimes when the debtor didn’t have enough money to cover the debt, she paid it off in goods such as meat or vegetables. Naturally, the FAIR MARKET VALUE of the goods was written off as partial payment for the entire amount of the doubt.

There were times when my mother couldn’t come over to personally collect the debt, so she often sent one of our trusted househelpers who had been with us since I was a child, to collect the debt in her stead.

This went on for several months until my mother discovered upon accounting that there was a discrepancy between what the debtor says she had paid off and what was actually accounted for in my mother’s records.

Naturally, the prime suspect was the househelper. When my mother confronted her, she flew into a fit of rage crying and raging about how it was all my mother’s fault for being rich and for having her handle tons and tons of money without ever cutting her a share.

Anecdote #3 You’re Rich Therefore You Can’t Do Anything

Now for something short, sweet and even more personal. Back in High School, there was a time when we were asked to cook some dishes for Home Economics class. Now I’ll admit it, at that time, I was a very sheltered kid who had no idea how to cook anything at all. Fortunately, the teacher split the class into groups of six so that we could divide the work.

When I asked my groupmates what they wanted me to do, their immediate response was: Don’t do anything, señorito. Just stay out of our way or go clean up or something. Do you even know how to handle a broom?

So I answered: Yup. Then I immediately broke the dust pan in half and threw the broom outside the window and stormed out of the room.

I don’t regret that decision to this day.

So there you go, three anecdotes of discrimination (definitely not the only ones I’ve experienced) – sometimes taking on a form much different and far detached from what you’d see in popular media as well as what the snowflakes on social media want you to believe. Think about it.