Sunday, October 7, 2018

Think You've Got It Bad? - A Vent Post

I see a lot of people vent-posting, so why not? Also, read the whole post before you drop any of your pearls of financial genius wisdom on me -- genius. I'm posting to vent, not to ask for your unsolicited, unwarranted and probably annoying financial advice. Also, please don't include me in your prayers. I am an atheist and your prayers aren't going to change my mind nor "help" me in any tangible way whatsoever.

Furthermore, do take note that I live in a country wherein social welfare is realistically nonexistent and what happens if you can't make enough money to feed yourself or seek medical attention for serious injuries/diseases is that you die. If you live below the poverty line (which I don't), you'll probably die sometime anyway as target practice for the motorcycle assassins currently prowling the streets for anyone who even looks a little bit like a drug addict.

So... this is more or less what my bank account looks like near the start of every month (1 usd = 55 php so what I have here is a little less than 45 USD) -- and it's going to look this way perhaps for as long as I live or even worse, at least from the foreseeable future.

Now allow me to explain. This isn't my secondary bank account -- it's my primary and only one. I do not have social insurance. I do not have third party insurance. I do not have health insurance. I do not have any sort of long-term investments. This bank account is my one and only source of liquid assets. I live off of my salary as a freelance virtual assistant which is 5,500 php a week or 22,000 php a month. Aside from the food, internet, cable, and half of the electric bill, there are also some unexpected expenses that pop up every other month leaving me with more or less around 3,000-7,000 php a month. This month, there were a lot of expected expenses for the maintenance of our car and the renewal of its annual insurance policy, so it fell below the 3k line for a bit.
I once took out some kind of long-term investment/insurance scheme for 3500 php every quarter, but I found that I couldn't handle even that much, so I pulled out and since I hadn't paid off the threshold for the premium, I got nothing out of that. I just ended up paying 10,500 php to the insurance company.
So yeah, the bottom line here is that I'm in a position wherein I'm not realistically able to make any long-term investments for the future since I can't handle any more regular monthly, quarterly, or even annual expenses and I'm not and never will be in the mood to kill myself by working extra jobs on the side just to earn a little bit more loose change for personal expenses.
So what's my next step? I dunno... maybe I'll buy that one video game for the PS Vita I saw online (around 1000 php).
Wait... why am I thinking of buying video games, you might ask? Well, duh? As I said, I'm not in a position wherein I can change my financial situation realistically and none of your pearls of wisdom are going to be of any help to me (really, do you think I haven't thought about what you're going to advice me before? I've been there, done that, seen it all, so shut up and keep reading.) -- so forget about it. The truth is that I'm not at all dissatisfied with my current situation. After all, the financial aspect aside, why would I be?
I work some reasonable and very comfortable hours at my leisure because my employer allows me to do as I please with my time as long as I turn in quality output. We've known each other online for years and I'm a very valued and trusted colleague to her -- even if she can't pay me as much as a larger third-party business.

I can actually afford to eat out every single day and even have money leftover to buy an anime figure/ a video game, or some other premium item every other month.

I don't like brands/brand-name clothing/brand-name gadgets like Apple, Samsung, Oppo, Vivo etc. I'm actually quite satisfied with a Cherry Mobile or some no-rep chinese brand that offers medium to high-spec phones at low, low prices.

I have a good backlog of games to play and anime to watch. I can buy (most) artist-grade art supplies and have ample time to paint/draw the things I want to (mostly Nagi).

My Nagi Sanzen'in figure collection is complete except for some very hard to find garage kits (unofficial third party figures). I have relatively stable internet at home and I sleep in an airconditioned room in a very large house for just two people.

I drive a top-of-the-line (for Suzuki) car that handles very well and that I've customized with a peeking decal (1000 php for two large decals on the side windows) of mai waifu using my own CG art. I wear custom-made shirts featuring my own art every single day of the week.

I don't have a family to support. I don't have a pet, I don't have nor need a social life, I have no friends IRL and I only talk to a select few acquaintances from all across the globe online.

I don't dream of traveling the world nor owning a large mansion -- (our house already counts as one anyway) and I've never really felt the appeal of traveling to other countries. Unlike other otaku, it has never been my dream to travel to Japan nor am I even interested in local conventions.

I can continue to write my stories that no one (actually, at least one person. Thanks, Roop.) ever seems to be interested in reading (or at least even feels like letting me know that they enjoy reading them) and keep deluding myself that I'm actually a pretty competent writer.

I can make more and more videos gloating about the victory of Hayate x Nagi every week because cry all you want, haters but HayaNagi is canon and you were all wrong while I was right all along~!
I can still afford to pay for my domain name ( and I'm even a developer on Google Play with my own visual novels up both for free and for a fee.
Most of all, I'm fit and healthy and I don't have a bulging potbelly like a lot of other people who let their bad habits get the better of them do.
So why would I be dissatisfied? Sure, I could always use a little bit more money than I'm actually making right now -- but the same is true for everyone. It's all a matter of perspective.
-This is lordcloudx out.


  1. Ok, so I haven't commented on this blog for quite sometime. It's not because you and I have become distant, rather I believe our friendship has grown which is why sometimes I feel it's irrelevant to comment here when I can just send you a message. However, I do believe it's important to leave a comment over here sometimes, particularly when it's going to be a big one and not exactly a conversation kind of comment.
    I myself have been very busy lately and going through what one might call existential crisis. I've been questioning many things recently and I've not exactly been in a good mood because in these past few weeks I've seen people come and go in my life as if they were stations where trains never stop at. But that didn't stop them from taking me for granted.
    Putting my own grievances aside, this post is quite relatable because as adults, we take so much stress that we stop living altogether. We worry about our exams in college like I'm doing currently,we worry about our jobs, we worry about our family. Seldom do we live for ourselves and when we do, various intrinsic and extrinsic forces try to stop us. Perhaps what you're experiencing right now is of much greater intensity that what you're revealing to us but it's admirable that you're not stopping to live the life that you intend to live. Not having a health insurance would be quite an alarming situation but I think I know why you're not even bothered about that.
    I know we all work hard. We strive towards achieving something for a better life in the future but the truth is, the older we grow, the more responsibilities we get and the tougher life becomes. It's our perception of the situation that matters the most and our attitude regarding how we take on the dilemma. Your "bring it on" attitude towards every challenge is quite admirable and I wish I too, had this kind of attitude towards certain people, and life in general.
    Yes, you're not a competent writer because your works aren't recognised and the public consists mostly of people who have a one track mind. That doesn't mean that your stories are any less competent, if not more. You're an amazing storyteller with some of the most brilliant works I've ever read. It's unfortunate that most people haven't read your stories and those who have, don't appreciate them.
    I won't tell you to be happy with whatever you have because that's a myth. It's a lie. And as a psychology student I can't tell you a lie. I can only tell you to accept, which I believe you've already done, no matter what the emotion behind the acceptance might be.
    All I can further add is that the gift of writing that you have, don't ever let go of it, it's part of your identity and I really enjoy those unique stories. Same for your art, continue painting those beautiful pictures of Nagi.
    Thank you for letting me collaborate with you on creating SATPOAH visual novel.

    1. Thank you! This comment is really much appreciated. I always enjoys those little chit chats we have because I feel that you have always understood me better than most do people IRL. Whatever it is you're going through, just know that I'll always be around to talk with about it if you need me.


lordcloudx loves discussions, so comment away. No direct or indirect personal attacks, please.

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